Hentam Diri

Aduh! 

Unisel Student Portal dah buat announcement, exam result untuk budak-budak Bachelor dah keluar starting 11st Nov. 

but until now bila aku checked, masih tak boleh access lagi. 

terus rosak mood untuk spend Khamis dengan ceria.

kenapa aku gelabah? 

because I didn’t do well in my last final exam. 

I seriously mean I didn’t do well. 

kalau ada budak yang berani cakap dia target dapat 4.0 flat for this third semester, harus saja aku salute dia gila-gila. 

targeting 4.0 flat before final exam season would be reasonable, but after answering all the examination papers, 4.0 flat seemed unachievable. 

for most good students, Biochemistry subjects are not big problems, even though kitorang kena buat p0ster assignments yang sangat menguji kesabaran. 

kertas Entrepreneurship pulak is out of our attention, most of us tak minat subject tu, we didn’t care much. 

usually Microbe papers that give huge and biggest challenges to Biotech students. 

dapat pulak lecturer yang memang genius, sah-sah la she has high expectation and requirement in marking papers. 

you can struggle, study gila-gila, group discussion, past years questions, whatever best you can do, but when you were in the examination hall, it was a different story. 

it happened to me. 

nak faham soalan dah satu hal, aku bazirkan masa analyzing what the questions want, termenung memikirkan all the possible answers. 

konon nak jimatkan masa, I turned to another question, yet the same thing happened. 

then aku dah jadi unorganized, which I really hate when myself is in that state. 

maka berakhirlah 3 jam yang penuh huru-hara, uncertainties, was-was and loss of hope, of course! 

aku pun pelik, apasal la paper yang susah macam tu cuma diperuntukkan 3 hours aje, bagi la 3 hours and quarters ke? ;p 

subjects kitorang bukan macam art subjects, where there is always a long definite answer. 

But we als0 always need to elaborate f0r essays, explain, goreng-menggoreng, argue, yang mana sangat time consuming.

trust me, you really need a longer period to learn, study and digest the third semester syllabus. 

are they that hard? 

if you are pretty good in English, I think there would be no problem in understanding. 

the problem is, terlampau banyak gila benda nak sumbat dalam kepala. 

if you manage untuk sumbat semuanya dalam kepala pun, you still have to have the skills to choose what to use, what is relevant, what is supporting, how to compare, how to manipulate, bla bla bla. 

lepas dah habis semester 3 ni, barulah aku faham, kenapa orang kata studying Biotech ni susah. 

so baguslah if you are given extra time for lectures and tutorials, and if possible, for more tests and quizzes. 

they will really help you a lot. 

and please, jangan la suka ponteng kelas. 

memanglah boleh depend kat lecture notes, but believe me, ianya takkan sama dengan hearing the words direct from the lecturer’s mouth.

others than that, our side way 0f life pun too affect the self performances.

makan minum kena jaga, akhlak kita macam mana, amal ibadat and hubungan kita dengan Allah yang menentukan hala tuju hidup kita, and the m0st is tawakkal setelah kita belajar bersungguh-sungguh.

my biggest mistake for last semester was, right from the first week I didn’t set my target to get m0re higher flat.

perangai bodoh aku berulang lagi. 

when I was in primary school, I was known as budak yang sentiasa conquered nombor satu in every exam, baik kat sekolah kebangsaan, mahupun sekolah agama. 

ada la sekali dua dapat nombor dua atau tiga. 

out of sudden, when I was in standard 2, I decided not to get first place dalam peperiksaan hujung tahun. 

konon-konon dah secured enough. 

konon-konon nak merasa macam mana tak dapat nombor satu. 

sounds bengong, silly and stupid kan? 

so aku main-main, and I got what I wanted, aku dapat nombor 17. 

the feelings? 

I felt horrible, I lost my self esteem, I degraded my own self, and those feelings really gave me a great lesson, being not good is not a good way to raise attention. 

and now I am regretting it. 

gila-gila punya regret!

I guess lesson learnt when I was in standard 2 tu was not enough to teach me the horror feelings of becoming a loser. 

why is it so important to setting up high target? 

because it will boost you to work harder to achieve the highest possibility you can get. 

of course kena la set target yang reasonable, yang kita mampu achieve. 

but when you target something that is below your own standard, bukankah ianya sesuatu yang menyedihkan? 

you know you could do better, but you choose not to. 

don’t worry,

aku akan hentam dan kutuk diri sendiri for not succeeding this time.